How I deal with being sad

"I hate being sad."

"I wish I'd stop feeling this way."

"This sucks."

Those were some of my thoughts I had last week. I imagine you can probably relate with times you've felt sad too (or maybe you're even feeling sad now).

As relatable as this may be, I think it's helpful to see the opposing side too.

Two years ago, I was experiencing intense depression. I struggled to care about anything, and had no motivation. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, and my emotions just... flatlined, went completely numb. I spent months in my room playing video games because I didn't know what else to do. I'd barely leave my room, and if I did, it was only to get food. I didn't want to hang out with people anymore, and isolated myself so much that even my roommates would go for extended periods without seeing me. Those were dark times.

During this depression, despite my efforts to self-isolate, I happened to stumble into a conversation with a friend that was going through a tough time too. He was open about his situation and looking for support, and as he expressed himself, he began crying. I could see how much pain he was experiencing, and logically I could see how hard things were for him, but emotionally...

I felt nothing.

I remember sitting there with him, feeling no empathy. Not caring at all about his feelings. Even though it was a very emotional moment, I was just... empty. While he was crying, I had a blank stare. Still numb, and all of my emotions were offline.

It felt horrible.

I'd give anything in the world to feel sad right now. To be there with my friend, to hold space for him, to feel what he's feeling, and to support him. I wish I wasn't numb, and that we could be sad together.

Whoa. Quite the difference from "I hate being sad," right?

When we experience intense emotions, whether it's sadness, joy, anger, or something else, it means we're fully alive. Part of living life to the fullest is also feeling to the fullest. Emotions are what make life so beautiful. This makes them something to embrace, not to hate.

As I was hating my sadness this past week, I remembered that moment, which shifted my focus. I had taken the fact that I could feel sad for granted, since during my depression, I would have done anything to feel sad. And as I became grateful for my sadness, I not only allowed it to be there, but I also embraced it. Really sat with it and felt it.

Ironically, this led to the sadness processing and moving through me. After not too long, I felt much better. Right now, I feel quite content as I'm writing this email.

If you're experiencing difficult emotions, that does suck. I don't want the message to be some mansplainy know-it-all response that's "yea just accept your emotions, and things will be great." Hard emotions are still hard, and it's not always as simple as that. However, I hope that my story helps to also see a side of beauty in those emotions, and that it's not all completely shitty. It's a part of life that we can be thankful for, even through how difficult it can be.

If you're going through a tough time, I'm sending you a big hug and lots of love. You got this, hang in there, and I'm rooting for you.  

Peter