I Poop On The Floor Sometimes…

This is mama cat. Isn't she the cutest?

I love her so much! :) Anyway, a funny thing that mama cat does sometimes is that she'll just straight up miss the litter box. (Ew, I know.) She isn't trying to be annoying or mean, but... she just misses. And then there's a big old cat turd on the ground next to the litter box. (It's pretty easy to tell when this happens because it smells really bad.)

Obviously pooping on the ground isn't great, and it would be good to improve her behavior (or maybe get a larger litter box) so it doesn't happen more in the future. That being said, I still love her all the same, even when this happens. I don't suddenly hate her just because she shat on the floor. I just think "aww, she pooped on the ground, no worries, let's get that cleaned up." And then of course she gets scritches/pets because she's the best.

So what does this have to do with anything?

I've been starting to get back into the dating scene, and good lord, I forgot how rough it can be. All sorts of old triggers are coming up. Feelings of insecurity, not being good enough, anxiety, and so on.

A nasty voice in my head says, "What the fuck? Why am I feeling so insecure? I thought I did all this personal growth work, shouldn't I be more confident? Shouldn't I be more okay with a situation when it doesn't work out?"

It's really easy to hate the part of myself that feels insecure, awkward, and doubtful. I need to be charismatic, confident, and charming, right?  So I have to squash out all of those unattractive bits! Right??

The thing is, having all of those turbulent emotions is kind of like mama cat pooping on the ground. Yea, we can work on improving it, but it's not a reason to hate ourselves. We can still love ourselves when it happens, just like how I continue to love mama cat. Plus, it's not necessarily our fault that those feelings come up. Maybe the litter box isn't big enough, or maybe, just maybe, we experienced intense childhood trauma that predisposes us to certain triggers. We're trying our best and that's all that we can really ask for.

As I've been sitting with my emotions and triggers, I try to remind myself that it's totally okay that I'm feeling them, even if there's more personal growth that I want to do. In other words, I'm loving myself — especially the part of myself that feels insecure — even if I'm pooping on the floor. And, at the same time, I can work on potty training myself. I can continue to grow so that I don't get triggered as easily in the future. Both can be true at the same time.

The next time you feel frustrated with yourself, like "Why wasn't I good enough?" or "I can't believe I got so into my head in that moment," or any other kind of trigger that has the potential for self-hate, I hope this message helps as a reminder that we all miss the litter box sometimes. And, when it happens, we can approach the situation with love for ourselves, wherever we're at. You're still a beautiful and amazing and worthy human, even if shit goes awry sometimes (pun intended).

If you're going through something difficult, I'm rooting for you, and sending you lots of love. 

Peter